#also yeah. i'm getting the homoeroticism. you guys were right

[good--merits-accumulated]

kang yohan being like "my favourite hobby? hunting. no, not with hares. that's boring. i hunt strong things. :]" ok yeah This Isn't Ever Going To Be Relevant Again, Is It

[friendamedes]

genuine question the other night at the horde of transvestites you were going insane so uh. was Steven moffat the first guy to do an explicit romance between the doctor and the master on the show? how do you feel. about Steven moffat. about that

SO - i am always going to be insane about twissy, yes. i guess the notable thing would be that steven moffat DIDN'T do an explicit romance between the doctor and the master except for the fact that he did?

(this got very i'm-not-reading-all-that-but-sorry-that-happened so i shoved it under a cut.)

in "dark water"/"death in heaven" they're set up as a romantic relationship: there's two kisses (one non-consensual on the doctor's part, the other initiated by the doctor after learning missy's identity) and missy tells the doctor "two hearts... and both of them yours" while it's dawning on him that she's a time lord. (lady.) throughout s9 missy refers to the doctor with ironically fond terms like "my boyfriend," and she's clearly doing a Bit, but it's also so blatant that one imagines it must be purposeful.

the next time she shows up, in "the magician's apprentice," clara mentions that she's clearly displaying romantic attraction and missy outright denies the idea. of course, missy's not a reliable source, but it's so definitive and harsh that one must assume she's not just doing a bit! steven moffat seems to actually be rejecting the idea that the twelfth doctor and missy have a romantic relationship, and in s9 onward there's no use of the word "boyfriend," no spoken allusions to a romance (...more or less), and no more kissing.

but it gets TRICKY, right? in "the magician's apprentice," the twelfth doctor plays "pretty woman" on the guitar, a song which is generally interpreted as being directed at clara - but the script up on writer's room indicates the song was originally supposed to be "hey mickey." i've always taken that scene to be a little flirty, ESPECIALLY with "pretty woman"! and, like, smoffat didn't seem to have intended to write a romance between 12 and clara in s8, but it remains true that a strong layer of subtext implies that clara is cheating on danny with him however metaphorically or emotionally; it's not the only way to read the season, but there's a lot of support, and it's definitely not a difficult conclusion to come to.

missy blurs the line between traditional ideas of "friendship" and sex (being friends with mortals is cradle-robbing, she insists!) and several of her & the doctor's s10 interactions are charged in a very particular way (the takeout, the end of eaters of light, etc) which is present in the text even if it's denied or unintentional.

so like, yeah - there is no Canon Twissy except for the fact that there is Canon Twissy. it's MESSY. i think that smoffat has bought into heteronormativity and is writing from his own weird perspectives on nuclear families, so he's going to think of romance when there's a man and a woman onscreen together! i think that there's a history of homoeroticism from the doctor and the master that he's writing in the context of! for all i know, he considers missy's interpretation of "friends" to encompass romance or sex! or maybe he just considers their relationship a punchline - i haven't asked him, and to some extent, his intention is irrelevant, and to another it's very relevant for our purposes. twelveclara is explicitly romantic to me whether or not the writers of the show seem to think it is! twissy is in a similar boat!

TLDR: it's very difficult to define whether or not twissy is explicitly romantic, lol! so WHO KNOWS!

and here is where i put the disclaimer that i am well aware relationships outside of binary ideas of friendship vs. romance/sex exist. i absolutely DO think that the doctor and the master have a lot of different sorts of feelings for each other, some of them human and some of them time lord, and most of them difficult to sort into neat little boxes. but also, irt steven moffat's writing, that man doesn't know the word "queerplatonic." there is certainly support for queerplatonic or non-normative relationship readings in dr who; i don't deny that, but i'm addressing the text in the world that it offers rather than delving too far into extrapolation and headcanon in this ask (or at least trying to). for the love of god i'm in a queerplatonic relationship myself, don't come after me for this one.

[agumonger]

look i'm sorry to say this due to the context at hand *gestures* and i know that hollywood is a cesspool of terrible human beings with terrible interests but yeah, i did. i did watch deadpool and wolverine

and i just

i can NOT stay silent about the sheer homoerotic tension between the two protagonists. they really took one of the most terminally straight, pent-up, macho and yet male-fantasy superheroes and played the fantasy completely straight, going all the way into insane fanservice. they saw the vision and they went for it

it's a testosterone filled movie, very manlike, very action-packed, hysterical as usual, very tryhard edgy but on purpose in a weird meta-ironic way, and i left the theater TERRIBLY HORNY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M S---

like you canNOT just fucking end the movie on a climatic scene where, not only does wolverine FINALLY don his iconic mask in a movie and look ridiculously hot in it (and the suit tbh) BUT in the peak of tension his clothes literally evaporate for no reason and you get SEVERAL shots of his glistening pecs and abs with glorious music bein all like "this is what you wanted" after like two hours of very much intentional homoerotic tension that you know isn't going to go anywhere bc wolverine is straight as hell (even though deadpool is most likely pan or whatever i can't tell)

EXCEPT SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE THEY LIKE. UM?????????????? HAVE SEX???????????? BUT IT'S NOT SEX????????????? BUT IT IS??????????? HANG ON HANG ON

ok so like they're inside this car right... in the middle of a forest... no one's around... they get all deep and emotional and then they get super mad at each other and they start a super gory and violent fight and they thrash the car and it's all a terribly bloody mess and then the fucking Camera Pans Out And The Car Is Shaking Like They Were Doing The Thing and They stay Like That for The Entire Night and there's this weirdly sensual but hateful but playful energy all the way throughout and it's like IT'S SO CHAOTIC WHAT THE CAPITAL W WHAT

THEY BASICALLY MADE A HATE SEX SCENE THAT'S NOT A HATE SEX SCENE BUT IT IS

The whole movie seems to explore this complicated relationship we have with toxic masculinity in which we hate it and it's bad but it's also kind of weirdly sexy and hot but it's also ridiculous and and-

ARE YOU SEEING MY VISION

AND IT'S LIKE... THE STRAIGHT GUY AUDIENCE IS SO SILENT ABOUT THIS????? DO THEY NOT SEE IT... but again, it's marvel, it's disney, OF COURSE this movie is not queer at all

but it also kinda? sorta? is? maybe? because it's very clearly marketed at straight guys

but then they add these moments of sheer macho extravaganza where the unintentional eroticism of the testosterone induced madness teeters on the line between unintentional and intentional except it's very much intentional but it's also a joke

i have not once seen any comment about this movie being woke, and it isn't, don't get me wrong. but it has all of the elements that would make Those People cry "woke madness", just arranged in such a way that it's barely a joke even though they somehow managed to fit

what's 90% of the way into a hate sex scene featuring the two male protagonists but it isn't but it absolutely FEELS that way if you *Know*

a straight-up fan service scene that is every masked man fan's wet dream come true

i think they're not saying anything because the movie is very much celebrating that brand of masculinity so they're like "hell yeah" but it's just so... you know what i mean?

it makes me wonder how much homoeroticism can straight guys literally EAT UP as long as it's suposed to be "a joke" and "funny" and "ironic"

did i get queerbaited in 2024? well no. like i didn't really expect them to start dating at ALL (they didn't). but it's like. funny. i'm almost positive they wanted to dare a lot of the male audience to stay convinced they're straight and not have a single hard-on at any point during the movie. while at the same time steering clear of any accusations because "comedy guys!!!!!!!!!!!! so funny!!!! haha!!!" and yet no one says anything because if you do, oh maybe you're just projecting, are you gaaaaaaay?????

all i'm saying is the car scene was as hot as all hell and LOWKEY kind of a serve idek i'm tired my brain is tired i am not immune to queerbait propaganda take me boys i am Weak and painfully basic and cringe

but also i hate the uhhh two wokeness jokes in the movie they're stale and bad (though deadpool does use the singular they pronoun once without even flinching? "groundbreaking" i know i KNOW leave me aloneeeeee afknlzsgjsd)

sorry for saying anything good about mainstream media (you know why but mentioning it in this frivolous ass post just feels wrong)

anyway if you actually read this thank you and i'm sorry you had to experience this from me. here have a flowe 🌸

[yanderefreud]

also i want you to rank the multiversal stevetonies: 1872, 616, ults, mcu, and any others you want to include ✨

OOOOO BOY. Okay

So number one is extremely unsurprisingly going to be 616. They're the ogs and absolutely no one does it like them. The slow burn, the extremely unresolved homoeroticism, and the angst (the ANGST!!!!!),, all of that is just unparalleled. None can compete with that much lore and all those moments of them just saying sappy gay shit like "you gave me a home" or "i'm not half as good at anything as i am when i'm doing it next to you", or absolutely heart-wrenching things like "it wasn't worth it" or "he loved you, and he admired you, even when you fought"

After some deliberation with my own self I have decided that 1610 (Marvel Ultimates) is my second favourite. I just love the dynamic A LOT. Imagine you're this repressed homosexual man who was transported a billion years into the future and you fall in love with the most obnoxious man ever and then you find out he's dying. The struggle of reconciling with your own self and then trying to pursue something with someone who might as well be dead. There are just so many possibilities

MCU is going to be a respectable third. I have a lot of fondness for it because it is what introduced me to stevetony (when I first saw the helicarrier scene all I remember was thinking "these guys have sexual tension and I want to be there when they resolve it"). One complaint I have is the initial hostility that they had, because I think A LOT of people got hung up on that lmao. I don't really watch marvel movies anymore, not even old ones bc they just make me sad :-(. Still, they have some absolutely incredible moments like "i'm home" or "do you trust me" "i do" and "i thought you and Tony were still gazing into each other's eyes (thanks natasha)"

1872... Oh 1872. I have a lot of feelings and not enough Canon content, and that's the only reason why it's so low on the list. I love how Steve was literally the CATALYST for Tony becoming Iron man like. That is so sick omg... He was so grief-stricken that he literally went mad. I also fucking love their interactions "I think you pulled enough corks for today, Stark. It ain't even noon" "oh why hello there sherif. I guess you have nothing better to do than infringe on my constitutionally guaranteed right to pursue happiness (can't argue w that ngl)"

Avengers Assemble!! I actually fucking love them ngl but the reason why they're number five is that there isn't enough angst. Where is the bloodshed and death and tears????? I need to see grown men crying and screaming in agony thanks. Other than that, I love their dynamic and how fucking domestic they are. They are so married they're making my parents look single omg like GET A ROOM GUYS. My favourite thing that Steve ever said in that show was "iron or not, you're still the man" hell yeah boy get that dick

Marvel's avengers 2020 (the video game!!). God. I did not play it myself but I have seen Stevetony scenes and they are so SICK. Tony being so fucking DEVASTATED at Steve's death is really entertaining and makes me very happy. He should continue being sad hehe >:-))

Other than that, I haven't seen any other universes w them in it. There's EMH, and I'm planning to watch it eventually (I'll let you know what I think!) and as for 3490, I think that needs a separate post in itself. I hope this answered your question hehe ty <33333

[marley-manson]

Would you recommend Due South?

I meannnn yes and no? It's a 90s cop show first of all, so it's always gonna be copaganda and generally suck politically. Plus it’s created by the guy who wrote Crash, and not the car sex one, soooo yeah lol. It does tend to have a progressive vibe which can be nice on a surface level, give or take some offensive jokes here and there, but yk, engage critically and all that.

If that's not an issue, then yes I would definitely recommend season 1, I would largely recommend season 2, and if you're in it mostly for classic well-written 00s fic and conventionally attractive dudes ft some mild intentional homoeroticism, then sure, watch season 3+4 too. (That’s not to say there isn’t some great s1+2 fic too, but the majority of the bnfs were focused on Fraser/RayK, so if that’s what you’re after you’ll want to watch them.)

Season 1 is, I maintain, the best example of episodic storytelling I've personally seen. The parallels, the thematic arc, the character exploration, it all comes together fantastically imo, absolutely solid television.

Season 1 balances drama and comedy very well, blending campy cartoon comedy with sincere emotional drama in a way that works. It also handles the magical realism perfectly imo, it's a little surreal but pretty lowkey about it. All the episode storylines are very small-scale and personal, which I love. No one's saving the world or the city, they're usually just helping some guy, usually by de-escalating and sympathizing with minor criminals, which again, it's still copaganda, but it's at least more enjoyable to watch than many other cop shows for that reason.

Season 2 gets a little sillier, a little less tonally balanced imo, a little more surreal, and a little more large-scale, but it's still pretty good overall. Season 3, due to new writers, throws the balance out the window and goes full ungrounded wacky cartoon full of emotional beats with no set up and I personally didn't like it, though there are lots of people who enjoyed that vibe, so ymmv.

Ship wise you got Fraser/Ray or Fraser/Ray to choose from. Fraser/RayV is seasons 1+2, and it's my ship so I'm biased obviously, but I love them. Ray V is one of my all time favourite characters. As a ship they're very interesting imo, their main conflict is differing priorities, ie Fraser prioritizes the abstract concept of duty over everything else, and Ray prioritizes Fraser over everything else, and they do directly explore this, it's an intentional aspect of their relationship. Also on a personal level you got polite reserved weirdo and loudmouth devoted asshole who constantly bitches about everything he does for Fraser, until it's something really important and then he'll take a bullet or nearly financially ruin his family for him and completely downplay it.

Fraser also has layers. He’s genuinely naive and awkward and weird and polite and respectful and caring and trusting, but he can also be actively manipulative, cold, and with a tendency to take people (Ray) for granted. Plus his obsession with duty is often treated as a flaw, and something Ray helps counterbalance. They’re a solidly interesting duo imo.

Fraser/RayK is season 3+4, Ray K is Ray V's replacement when Ray V goes undercover because the show was temporarily canceled and the actor didn't want to move back to Toronto when it got renewed after all. Ray K is... chaotic? The show gets a lot more manic energy here and his characterization fits that vibe. Fraser gets less complex and more straightforwardly Dudley Do-Right-ish imo, which is a downgrade. Not really sure what the ship vibe is honestly, they struck me as kind of generic in terms of dynamic when I watched it, I can't lie, but they were very popular so there's something appealing there, and again there’s deliberate homoeroticism too which can be fun. (There was also some deliberate homoeroticism with Fraser/RayV, it’s a genre staple, but yk, they get overt in s3+4. Paul Gross, who took over creatively in season 3, literally said in an interview before season 3 aired that the Fraser/Ray shippers will love the new guy lol.)

tl;dr I only really like about half of it and in some ways even that half sucks in some ways typical of a cop show, but I feel that it’s worth it.

Anyway yeah, thanks for asking, hope this helped you decide! If you do watch you should check out the pilot on youtube through that link I reblogged the other day, which I assume you saw if you’re asking this now lol, but just in case. The rest is on Netflix now, or Canadian Netflix at least if you watch stuff there.

[carlyraejepsans]

What do you headcanon everyone's sexuality to be?

honestly I'm very um. whatever about sexuality headcanons. I don't think monsters in undertale see gender and sexuality as we categorize them in real life, so things are a lot more flexible. that being said, i do have Some Thoughts:

alphys is bi. like just bi, she's the only one i have a straightforward headcanon for. she even has the lil pride flag stickers on her water bottle n shit.

i like the idea that asgore and toriel are so old that they still view sexuality as something you Do rather than something you Are, like people used to do back then. i mean asgore obviously loved rudy at some point in his life and toriel has some wild stories from her youth that she'll play coy about, but neither of them would describe themselves as queer. just because that's not how they think of sexuality As A Concept.

i... don't see sans as the kind of guy with a label ? i think when you get down to it, he would technically fit the definition of demi, but he'd zone out halfway through the kind of conversation that leads to that conclusion so he just shrugs it off when you ask him and makes a bad joke to change the subject. also it varies, i like ace sans and i like bi sans too, but straight sans still feels more accurate to me than him being into dudes lmao. he does joke about kissing the homies goodnight tho ("WAIT A SECOND... YOU NEVER KISS ME GOODNIGHT. AM I NOT PART OF THE HOMIES??" "i never kiss anyone bro, we don't have lips" "OH! THAT'S RIGHT!!! ...CAN I STILL BE A HOMIE??" "sure man, knock yourself out")

okay okay i know how it sounds, but y'know that action movie dynamic where the machomen hero duo fights together side by side and spends all the film having very high homoerotic tension with one another except they both have wives and play it off as a bromance because if it was truly gay they would alienate over half of their fanbase? PAPYRUS AND UNDYNE ARE LIKE THAT, BUT PLAYED COMPLETELY UNIRONICALLY. it is completely 100% platonic, they're both HUGE homos in opposite directions and it has no bearing whatsoever on their individual sexualities. it's just the kind of spontaneous homoeroticism that spawns from beating the same guy up every day for enough days in a row. but yeah they're both gay as hell. (also undyne feels like the "10 years ago i married my best friend. my girlfriend isn't too happy about it but me and papyrus were drunk and we thought we could get away with tax fraud" kinda gal).

oh and papyrus doesn't do romance at all. full stop. aro!papyrus my beloved

mettaton had his gender identity crisis already and when he finally worked it out and saw the sexuality crisis in the distance he just decided he wasn't gonna deal with any more of that bullshit

frisk is a baby. they grow up to be very bi and very flirty, tho. which surprises no-one.

[thejustmaiden]

I'm not against SessRin as the ship itself, rather I'm against the idea of it being canon. I wouldn't even care if InuYasha was of a more mature genre. Yes, the trope is very popular even in hentai, yaoi and yuri. However, all of these genres are explicitly for adults - the type of audience that are well capable of seperating between fiction and real life, knowing what's wrong and right. Yasahime's still cleary targeted at a younger audience - kids that can still be easily affected by fiction.

Hey, nonnie! I really appreciate the ask. Apologies for the slight delay. 😊

I read what you had to say, and I think you bring up a very valid point that I don't see being discussed enough quite honestly.

Because you're right, Inuyasha is geared towards a younger audience. That explains why it was the very first anime for many of us growing up.

Ironically enough, some of you who like me stayed up late to catch it on TV remember that Inuyasha came out on a network called "Adult Swim" of all things. haha (I gather that had more to do with the occasional foul language than anything else.) Cartoon Network- what Adult Swim is known as during the daytime- shows children's programs and Inuyasha wouldn't have been exactly appropriate on there either.

Now let's take a quick look at the other anime shows I remember that would come out on the line-up along with Inuyasha. Cowboy Bepop and Ghost in the Shell are the first two that come to memory. If you aren't familiar with those, readers, I encourage you to look them up and see how they're described in comparison to Inuyasha. They both tackle some pretty dark and heavy adult themes. Inuyasha, on the other hand, is based off a shonen manga aimed at young teens, boys specifically.

I'm not personally familiar with the yaoi and yuri genres myself, but from what I do know, a lot of their stories center around sexual romance and homoeroticism. Inuyasha may include some romance, but by no means does the author insert explicitly sexual elements into her story. Fans who are mature to handle that kind of content can if they so choose to-- bring on the fan fiction and fan art! But can the series itself be justified in doing so? Well, I hope not since the average Inuyasha viewer is only just a teenager.

You're correct, fiction is capable of influencing and shaping how some kids learn to view and make sense of certain events. I'm going to give you a real life example here. Keep in mind, readers, that this is an extreme case that obviously wouldn't apply to everyone or every situation. The purpose of recounting this tale is to demonstrate that young minds are more vulnerable to the influences around them, be them real or imagined.

Years ago there used to be this internet urban legend called "The Slender Man." In 2014, these two 12-year old girls (so roughly the same age many of us started watching Inuyasha) became obsessed with this fictional character and wanted to prove to everyone he existed. In order to do that, they made up their minds to kill one of their classmates to please him. They ended up stabbing the victim numerous times, but she somehow miraculously survived. The two girls who were found guilty of this crime ended up being admitted into mental health institutions. Please feel free to read up more on this yourself. It sounds creepy, I know, but how the community came together to support the victim and her recovery was a touching ending to such a horrific story.

Like I already mentioned, this was an extreme case that almost resulted in murder. Death, however, isn't the only bad outcome that can occur. Child abuse in all its complex forms is a serious outcome, too. It should go without saying that no child watching Inuyasha should accept the idea of a young girl (like themselves but maybe younger) being pursued later once she's "old enough" by the same male authority figure who was her main protector during their travels. You could tell Rin felt legitimately safe and happy for the first time in a long time while in his company. I also like to wonder if that's because Sesshomaru reminded her of someone she knew before her family was killed. But who really knows? After all, kids are very trusting by nature. Let's be honest, the happy-go-lucky Rin would've followed just about anyone who saved her! It just happened to be Sesshomaru, which of course I'm grateful for. So tell me again, why does this protector-ward dynamic they've got going on need to turn romantic?

Seriously, why are viewers expecting a romance to happen anyway? It's not like we have been given any solid indication to suggest that these two are destined for it. Allow me to explain why I believe that is. Sessrin fans anticipate a romance in their future despite the lack of foreshadowing, because this trope IS popular. (But only in series geared towards adults- like you said, nonnie.) In other words, it's been so engrained in our minds that it's a completely normal direction we should come to expect a relationship between an older man and a young girl/woman to take. So even though it hasn't been hinted at much if at all, it's apparently bound to happen regardless.

A young woman who decides to be with an older man isn't the issue here, BUT there's a fine line and at times the stories we tell will tread that line and test its boundaries. Case in point: shipping Sesshomaru with "Adult Rin" although we've only met and gotten to know her as a young girl up until now. In many instances, adult!Rin supposedly only has to mean she's old enough to bear children. If it was the norm for a girl to have kids at 15 or 16 in Feudal Japan, then that must mean we should not only tolerate it but celebrate it too, right?

Yes, fiction is a creative outlet to explore and push the boundaries from time to time, but we must be careful of what messages we're sending and who the target audience is. Would it really be wise to portray in a positive light a teenage girl getting pregnant with one of the people who helped raised her's babies on a show for teens? That's not my idea of a wholesome family lesson I'd ever want to teach my kids or have them learn elsewhere.

What we're essentially doing is telling the young Inuyasha viewers that it's totally normal to sexualize and romanticize a young girl's future without her say. That it's okay to speak for her and decide that's what her character would want even if we haven't met this adult version of her yet. What about Rin's hopes and dreams? How about we wait to see how she is as a grown-up first before we come to such big conclusions. Wouldn't you say you're jumping the gun a bit, shippers?

Nobody is saying you can't picture it, alright, but to claim it's the only obvious progression- because evidently there must be one for some reason?- of the relationship Rin's formed with Sesshomaru is absolutely absurd. If that's the case, then basically all the other "who's Sesshomaru's baby mama" theories are just as plausible as yours if not more so.

Also, guys, we really ought to stop stating that Sesshomaru will never have the capacity to care for another human being besides Rin like it's a fact. I'm aware that to many the appeal of this ship is that she was the first one to break through that icy exterior of his, so that must translate to a love that transcends and what not. If she wasn't a child he guarded like his own first and foremost, then this ship could have potential. That's not the case though, so moving right along!

Right, so who says his affection towards humans has to stop at Rin? Why can't the mom- if there is a mom- be some new character? That's really not reaching- yes, even for Sesshomaru. Knowing Rin, she's probably the one who introduced them! Plus, it's not like we don't have other canon sources that already show us Sesshomaru coming to the aid of humans. He has saved and protected Kagome on a few occasions that we know of so far, as well as Kohaku. And no, he didn't just protect him because Rin asked him to. Perhaps that was why he did at first, but please give Sesshomaru credit where credit is due. He is not the cold heartless demon we once believed him to be. How else do you think he is capable of activating Tenseiga's powers? Yeah, no, Sesshomaru grew to care for that kid, and Kokahu wouldn't have stuck around him for as long as he did if he didn't believe Sesshomaru didn't have his best interests at heart. Well, in Sesshomaru's own special little way that is. 😆

I got a little sidetracked- my bad! I suppose it's all relevant when you think about it. Alrighty, nonnie, I hope I adressed your ask the way you wanted. Please feel free to drop by again! 🖖

Reminder: Do not plan to engage in discourse on this blog if you are going to be disrespectful. The views I'm expressing aren't "an attack," so there's no need to get defensive and aggressive. I've even had a few Sessrin shippers themselves tell me I make valid points and that I do it in an upright manner. So if you don't believe me, then maybe you'll believe them. Thank you!

[klm-zoflorr]

I feel like I had the best votes and so I'm gonna explain mine. Warning, this is NOT gonna be objective.

For the most cunt served in general in the life series, I'm picking Scar. Sorry, but this beautiful dumbass smartest guy alive gets my vote. He just always delivers, be it by taking over the server, climbing to the spot of one of the most popular mcyt ships with his malewife, making everyone his ally and finishing second to last in third life, single handedly curing the server's Red Life problem in Last Life like some kind of life-trading Tooth Fairy and simply the totality of Double Life. Sure he does fail a bit pathetically sometimes and his plans don't always work, but he always fails with such class and while serving so much cunt i just can't do anything but vote him

For Third Life, I'm picking Ren. You just can't escape his bloody, dramatic, Game of Thrones inspired swag. It absolutely SLAPS. He has everything, catchphrase, loyal to a fault acolyte, homoeroticism, roleplay, power, money (villagers), allegiances of half the server. Sure, he lost. But he served absolute cunt while he reigned. Red Winter is Coming!

For Last Life, I have to pick Joel. Yeah, Scott is a strong contender. But 12 kills man?? Hello?? Not everyone can achieve that, and the rare who can, do it by serving absolute cunt. Joel had no friends and no allies, he was the first red, but he's on a bloody rampage and can't be stopped. Girlboss behavior.

For Double Life, and I don't think I even have to explain myself, I'm picking Pearl. She's heartbroken, she's unhinged, she lost everything and she came out of it cooler than ever. Last Life Pearl walked so Double Life Pearl could run. They are one and the same, but bloody hell does DL Pearl crank the swag to the max. Everyone fears her, she has the second highest kill count (first one is technically joel again damn this guy really found his vocation in killing people, but hers were done in the span of like ten minutes and were WAY more intense ngl), she SERVED.

Honorary mention to Tango for this one, because say what you want but bringing a Warden to the surface is a hella cool revenge. But hey, Rancher's Revenge ended up being more of a sob story than a way to win! Also, I can't decently put someone who died first as the girlboss of the server.

Now for the least cunt served:

It was very hard to resist the want to vote Timmy out for every question, ngl. He died first in all of those after all, and isn't that the very definition of swagless behavior? Plus, Timmy is... Timmy, I mean. There's not a girlbossing bone in his body.

He's out for Third Life as well, I feel like it's THE series where his ultimate loser behavior really shines out.

Okay I can explain this next one. When Mumbo is on a server, I just HAVE to vote him out as the most pathetic wet cat of a human being on there. Sure, he had his moments, he had his clutches, but he did die right after each one of them too. It's no use to be a girlboss if you don't live to tell the tale.

And finally, for Double Life, I picked Martyn. He's a desperate soul in love, and honestly that's quite pathetic. His whole series revolves around wooing his lost love, and if that isn't the definition of an absolute loser I don't know what is. While Pearl used her need for love to fuel her rage against the world, Martyn lamented in on himself in his bleeding heart. 0/10, not impressed

i had a horrible idea for a poll, and now it exists.

Which Traffic Series Member Served The Most Cunt?

synonyms or similar words to serving cunt: girlbossing, slaying, etc

voting ends at 3pm EST on Wednesday, November 16th. please reblog if you take the poll!

[jackgoodfellow]

THE DOOFENQUESTION, PART 2/2: The Answer

WELCOME BACK TIME FOR SCIENCE

Step 4: Try again. Draw the Doof, take 2.

Okay this is coming together a little bit more now...

No. No, that too "shippable twink." Walk it back some.

Hmmmmmm....

Okay this time I think I accidentally drew college-age Doof. That's closer but still not quite right...

Step 5: actually get the design right for real this time i can do this i know i can

Okay, reference, shape, trace, convert, iterate....

Aaaaaaand

OMG! There he is! There's the guy! Look at that well-meaning disaster dad! Now THIS is a guy who prepares a buffet for his nemesis just to be nice! This man cares just a liiittle more about musical showmanship than his evil plans succeeding! This is a fellow who has a daughter he loves very much, and who made him promise not to embarrass her in front of her friends, but he genuinely doesn't understand why offering all her friends prank almond brittle cans is embarrassing. ("What?? It's a funny joke! See, they're all laughing, Vanessa! I'm just a-- I'm a cool dad!")

Now THAT'S our Doof!

Step 6: Use the Doof design but this time with the human platypus man

I swear on my mother the line for this in the show is "Thwart me, Perry the Platypus." And I just thought you should know that too. I think I can skip the tracing step now.

Yeah this seems about right. This man is like 2 feet taller than Agent P and also cuts his own hair and appears to be unaware of anything in his actions that might suggest homoeroticism. Good good good.

Step 7: freedom at last from this terrible burden produce a final product

So I found something a little gay and went from there

And... voila!!! Viola! Violin! Cello! Horn section! Entire orchestra!!! There they are!!!!!

At last,

The Answer:

So we have our answer! That's what Heinz would look like in a more grounded style, specifically mine!!!!

Which leads us to the follow-up question once more:

IS Heinz Doofenshmirtz hot and is it possible to draw him hot AND true to his character?

Well. The answer is... really up to you! It sounds like a cop-out but it isn't - because beauty is actually very personal and infinitely varied! Surprise!!!!!

Man, science is exhausting.

Like, is he attractive by conventional western beauty standards? No. Marvel would never cast him as a male lead. But also are those standards bullshit? Absolutely. Is this a man who might be insecure about his looks, considering his difficult past? Probably. But is he a hideous monster? Certainly not! Certainly he is cute and pathetic enough to meet the requirements for Tumblr sexyman. I like to think that one might see what Charlene might have seen in him... and what the noncanon human platypus man might see too. I mean, a couple teary-eyed closeup shots and homoerotic moments and this fucker would be on the shipping MAP. And from there, he could take over THE ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!!!!!

Oh? What's that?

What do *I* think?? Well, I am an unbiased scientist, and so I really can't say...

But I WILL say that if I were a secret agent working for an organizing without, say, a cool acronym, I might check out this guy's inators......... 👀👀👀👀👀👀

Strictly scientifically speaking, of course.

Most importantly, I believe I have given him a face that is both immediately recognizable as Heinz Doofenshmirtz, as well as a face that one could learn to love!

Funny, really. Seems like everyone with a good heart somewhere inside them has a face that can be loved. But not everyone has a human platypus boyfriend so it goes without saying who's really winning here.

In Conclusion:

I... I don't know what we have learned today? Maybe that the real beauty standards are in the homoerotic friends we make along the way? Or that this was a really fun style challenge?

Perhaps what we learned is that I apparently ship specifically human!Perry and this weird pharmacist dad I drew??

Or maybe the lesson here is that Disney should hire me for the inevitable gritty and/or live-action reboot of Phineas & Ferb in 15 years?

I don't know!

What I DO know is that Karina Drawfee once said that "we don't choose what advances our art." And never has this felt so, so true.

[^ Heres a variation of the same image with different color settings]

And that's all, folks! This took many MANY hours and all the pics have alt-text and fucking no one is going to see this! So if you have made it this far I am mailing you a soft sweet kiss on the forehead, which you may accept if you so wish. Thank you for taking this deeply weird journey with me.

Your brother in sin,

Jack

The Doofenquestion, a scientific experiment

because this is where I'm at in my life now I guess

Okay so the other week I finished watching Phineas & Ferb, and I did an art exercise redrawing screencaps with a human Perry the Platypus.

Which is already a lot to unpack on its own.

But then I got to looking at other people's fan art of human!Perry, and this of course led to me seeing a lot of human Perry facing off against Doofenshmirtz.

What struck me is this: anytime someone chose to interpret Perry as an adult human, they had drawn a sexy secret agent man. Simple enough. Makes sense. I did the same thing. But then, who's that cute little sexy anime protagonist 20-something twink in a labcoat next to him?? Certainly that can't be Dr. D!

No, no, I don't think so... I mean, it's nothing against those artists! If you want a sexy young twink Doof, you do that! I fully support it!

But it got me to thinking...

Is it possible to draw a sexy Heinz Doofenshmirtz and still have him recognizable as himself??

What would he look like in a more grounded style in the first place???

And am I foolish enough to try????

I had only the answer to one of those three questions. For I knew in my heart that I *am* foolish enough to try.

I have outlined my methods and my results below. I think you will find that my data is sound and my results even soundier.

Okay here's the deal:

The Question:

For the purpose of being thorough, the first question I must answer before anything else is "What would Doof look like in a more grounded style?"

From my findings there, I will seek to answer the Follow-Up Question: Is it possible to draw a hot and sexy Heinz Doofenshmirtz while remaining true to his intended character design?

The Disclaimer:

'Phineas & Ferb' is far from a perfect show and I'm actually not a huge fan of creators making characters canonically "ugly" or "repulsive", but that IS what they intended for Heinz in his design, and that interests me.

However, I'm less interested in declaring a certain type of person ugly and more interested in how a realistically-drawn Doof - or at least a Doof in my art style - might look. I am curious how that might compare with the versions of him that are drawn to align with modern "traditional" beauty standards (shippable-twink!Doof, if you will). I'm not here to call out other people's art so I won't post other people's art. And I am not here to make sweeping judgments on beauty standards. I am simply here to do something very pointless VERY thoroughly and hopefully in a way that is fun and not harmful.

The Method:

Step 1: devise a step-by-step process to convert the style of the show into my own style

Okay, to get the hang of this, I am starting from a completely non sexy lens to avoid bias in creating the conversion method. And also because the only other characters with features as exaggerated as Doof's are all children and we don't sexualize children here. I guess this kind of functions as a control group. Which is probably the correct use of that term. Trust me I am a scientist.

It goes like this:

Find reference pic

Extract basic shapes

Trace the pic

Begin working out more realistic anatomy placement and have a brief crisis about Phineas' weird fucking head

Iterate on that sketch to bring it closer to my style

Iterate again

And one more time to be extra sure

There they are! Not bad! And now I have an idea of how the most dynamic and exaggerated shapes of the show's art can be applied to my own style!

Step 2: test this process on other characters from the show

With a process now established, it is time to apply the same logic to a couple of the adult characters. And also to try and condense the process to fewer steps!

First let's try Ferb's dad Lawrence - for whom I have used the traditional "George Jetson" approach.

Hmmmm. Not exactly right. But close...

And of course Major Monogram! Doing this was like correcting the anatomy on a Picasso. Both will get you kicked out of the Louvre.

I'm not gonna lie this one turned out great. There are things I could correct with more iteration, but science is notoriously fast-paced, so it's time to confront our white whale!

Step 3: Draw the Doof.

The same process: Reference image, find the shapes, trace, convert style, iterate

Hm. This isn't quite right... I feel like this is Dr. D.'s horrible license photo or something. Still, it's a start.

And then we have--

Hey! How dare!!!! I have been cut off at the 10 image limit. CURSE YOU, WWW.TUMBLR.COM!!!!

Okay fine.

[To be continued.]